As you may know, I attend networking events fairly regularly. And, in general, I find them fairly relatively agreeable. I have met new friends, got new clients, some helpful business advice and occasionally (and I mean occasionally) nibbled on some delectables. I have also indulged in a few open bars, but that is not quite the point of this blog. However, occasionally I hear phrases so ridiculous I am forced to bite my tongue and suppress my eye rolling. So here, for your reading entertainment, are the most ludicrous phrases I hear time and time again.
- I don’t do it for the money
I’m sorry…. say what? Mate, however much you love financial advising/marketing/pest control there is no way on god’s green earth that you have dragged yourself out of bed at 5am on a cold Thursday morning to listen to this ten-minute presentation on blinds for fun. Just no blinkin’ way. Listen I love my job, and I am proud of my business. But trust me if my surname was Branson or Green I’d be sunning myself in Aruba right now and you’d be right there next to me; drinking Marguerites.
- Busy, so busy
There are people I see every week, or once a month, and every time we will have precisely the same encounter and it will go a little like this. Me (exhausted and trying to make polite conversation) “how’s the business?” them “busy, so busy – phone’s ringing off the hook, last week Kate Middleton approached us to do some work.” Ok so the last one, admittedly, I added in for dramatic effect, but seriously there is just no possible way you are equally busy every single week. Especially not in August or December, heck not even necessarily in April. Individuals like this made me exceptionally self-conscious during my first year, as if I could never match up to their gusto and progression. But, business growth isn’t linear – there’s peaks and troughs and let’s just admit that, rather than putting ourselves on impossible pedestals.
- Great breakfast
I have no idea where these people generally purchase their grub and perhaps it’s because I am born of the egg and sourdough generation, but let me assure that cold scrambled eggs, a roasted tomato and slimy baked beans are not what I would call a “great breakfast.” Some of these muppets will even protest that they simply come to networking for aforementioned subpar breakfast…let’s be honest we come for the business. And if you don’t; frankly it may be time you get a life or, at least, a trip to your local artisan coffee shop for a Chai Latte and slice of banana bread.
- Business Cards
“Oh I don’t use business cards,” he will say in a pompous, uppity voice “they’re on the way out.” Seriously? Are you suggesting that the multi-billion-dollar industry that is the business card is outdated? Are you inferring that I am going to remember your name, email address, number and occupation simply by sheer osmosis? You have two options here: a) simply admit that you have forgotten your business cards (we have all been there), or b) give up the ghost. Business cards are an integral part of networking and you should get on board.
- Have you thought about?
Saving the best till last, this is my favourite part of networking. When men (and occasionally women) of a more mature age than my own 25 years, will deem it necessary to give me unwarranted, unsolicited and pointless advice. Gems like “Have you thought about using LinkedIn?” (I blog weekly, post almost daily and have over 3,000 followers but thanks for asking) or “Have you thought about managing Social Media?” (no, because it’s formed of nightmarish algorithms I hope to stay far away from.) But, I don’t say this instead I smile and nod, because I was taught to be respectful, but inside I’m simmering. Please don’t get me wrong, I love advice, particularly when it’s free, but generally when it’s from an individual who has been in my proverbial shoes and knows my industry. And not just based on the fact that I smile sweetly and have a baby face.
When not at networking events I can be found behind my MacBook writing lovingly written copy for a range of industries. So for any of you copywriting needs feel free to call me on 0208 692 6465 or drop me an email on email@example.com